Are you judgemental?

Excuse me?? I can just hear the question - What did you just ask??

You read it right the first round – are you judgemental?

Many of you will probably go into a huff right about now, if you haven’t already. I don’t blame you, I would too, if I am in your shoes. It’s confrontational, or so it would seem to you. But it’s merely a question that I am posing to you and the world at large, including myself. So the yoga teacher in me would ask, why would you find that question confrontational or inappropriate, or whatever it was that you felt? Chances are, you didn’t feel a great sense of love for me, or the impulse to pull me into an embrace and shower me with kisses. If I am very lucky, you might just be wondering “where is she going with this”?

You see, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am judgemental. It isn’t the most pleasant admission I have to admit. But I can’t escape the facts.   

“What did s/he expect?”

“What is s/he thinking?”

“Are you serious???!!!” or maybe “You have to be kidding me!!!”

The list goes on... Any of them sound familiar? Was there a single day when you have gone on with your daily life without having any of these questions/statements (or something similar) popping into your head or out of your mouth? I can’t remember such a day, maybe with the exception of the time when I was so young, I don’t even remember anything about it!

The thing that I realise is that we have expectations and we impose it onto others. At least, I do. And on the occasions when they live up to these frequently negative expectations, the negativity is reinforced. If a person rises above these expectations? We are surprised (maybe even incredulous), but often, we continue to make excuses that it is the exception, rather than alter our own expectations. Or perhaps it’s just me that is this way?

Where do all these judgemental feelings/thoughts lead us? Often, frustrated, bewildered, flustered, confused... perhaps even angry? Again, perhaps I am the only feeling these kind of negative emotions, but hey, I don’t read minds – yet (perhaps one day I will!).

So where am I going with all these?

I think, as long as we remain judgemental, it is hard for us to find peace within. For us to truly connect to another person and appreciate them for who they are, how they are. We may very well, even be creating all the problems/issues/challenges we are experiencing with these people, because we create our reality (or so the control freak in me likes to think!)! 

Perhaps, it will do us well to remember how, as innocent children, we didn’t know “right” or “wrong” and had to be taught what is socially accepted as correct or incorrect. So, perhaps we recognise the faults in others because we have the same faults? If so, are we really angry or frustrated with the person facing us, or the reflection of ourselves? 

And if you believe that we are all inter-connected like I do, perhaps all these negativity is spreading discontentment into the rest of the world! Just like a pebble thrown into the water doesn’t stop at creating one single ripple but continues to send waves of ripples outwards away from the first one...

Maybe the next time we have negative thoughts/emotions about someone/a situation, we should tune inwards and ask - what is it about name/situation that is creating the disturbance? Can I breathe into this space and send love, compassion and forgiveness into the void and help neutralise the negativity? I know it is a challenge, and it is not going to happen overnight, at least it won’t be for me. But perhaps, by remembering and becoming aware of our feelings/thoughts/emotions, it will be the first step to help us reconnect and recreate balance and peace from within.

Peace begins with me.

Namaste.